I arrived at the hospital at around 5am in the morning for my scheduled c-section. They had to pull her out at 37 ½ weeks because the doctors didn’t want me to go into labor. They wanted to prepare for her arrival and they did. Her birth was planned, organized, and cold. There were about 15 doctors in the operating room that morning – all ready to respond to whatever scenario they might come across with.

Happy Birthday!

I was told from the beginning that I wouldn’t get to hold her like any other mother holds their newborn.
I was warned that she might have difficulty breathing, so they had to connect her to oxygen
immediately. They said that if she cried, it would be a good sign… a sign that she was able to breathe on her own. Well, she did cry. I heard that soft squeal when my doctor pulled her out. My husband was instructed on when to snap the picture which he did promptly. And then they took her which confused me. Wasn’t the fact that she cried a good thing??? Why wouldn’t they let me hold her if she was breathing on her own? I didn’t see her until late that same evening while she was in the NICU. She had a full head of brown hair. She had her dad’s nose (sort of wide) and her sister’s eyes. She was perfect. I rememberthinking, “Surely God will heal her and let her stay.”

I don’t remember the exact time of her birth. But I can tell you with certainty the time of her death.